Rent: Gone Broadway!
by Operatic
Summary: First Rent fic. A collection of your favourite show tunes, er, Rentified! Chapter 2 Now Up! Enjoy! Rating for language.
1. Popular

**Rent Gone Broadway!**

**This will be my first story in a long time, and it will be my first one in the RENT category…This will be a collection of Broadway songs, er, Rent-ified! Most of them will be from my other favourite musicals (Phantom, Chicago, Les Mis, Wicked…) but of course there will be others!**

**I do not own Rent or any other musical or song or character. **

**PS: There will be a lot of song featuring Collins and Angel, because they rock SO much.**

**Oh and this is just for fun. Please don't take it too seriously!**

Tom Collins and Angel Schunard sat across from each other at the Life Cafe. Angel's legs were crossed, her hands neatly folded in her lap, her foot swinging to the sound of a far off clock. Collins, on the other hand, sat slouched in his seat, eyes half-closed, ignoring the coffee in front of him. Angel tried to smile, but it was all in vain.

They were tired of sitting, sitting, SITTING!

The clock that was tick-tocking went off, bringing Collins out of his trance. Angel grinned from ear to ear.

"Chapter break!" she said happily.

"About time…" Collins grumbled. Sure enough, in came Maureen, Mimi, Joanne, Benny, Mark and Roger, each one grinning wildly.

"So, what was that one?" Collins asked, his voice monotone.

"M/R," Mark replied. "You know, I think I'm finally getting used to kissing Roger!"

Mimi shot him a joking glare from across the table. But she laughed it off quickly.

"Don't worry about it, Mark- I'm busy kissing Benny anyway!" Roger shot Benny a REAL death glare and laid a protective arm around Mimi.

"How long has THIS been going on?" he cried in his usual Jealous!Roger voice.

"Oh, shit!" Mimi exclaimed. "You weren't supposed to find out till Chapter Three!"

"Funny," Maureen commented. "That's when Joanne and I get together again!"

"And when the thing happens…"

"Oh, yeah, the thing!"

"That causes the…"

"And then we go to Chapter Four!"

The five of them shared a big 'Chapter Three' laugh—even Benny, who was usually the outsider of the group.

"Wow," Collins said loudly, clearing his throat. "Must be nice, being in a fic for more than two sentences."

"And to be alive…" Angel added sadly.

"And to be in character…" Collins added, taking her hand.

"And to be ALIVE!" Angel repeated, her eyes filling with tears.

The five others looked at each other.

"Aww, guys…" Mimi did her best to comfort them. "You're in lots of things!"

"Yeah, you guys just weren't needed in that particular chapter," Mark agreed. He nudged Collins. "Hey, buddy, that was a great one shot you got last week!"

"Oh, yeah, real great," Collins agreed sarcastically. " 'My Angel is dead. I visit her grave every day. But I'm so depressed. How can I live without him? I'm going to kill myself now. Oh, but wait! The spirit of Angel is telling me not to? Well, what the hay, even though I'm OBVIOUSLY in a critical state of craziness, I'll listen to what's probably a hallucination and live my life in depression and loneliness.' Oh, and then it ended with a

kiss between Mimi and Roger, with Mark looking on in sadness, if you can figure that one out. That was a _greeeeeat_ starring role for me!"

"I didn't like that one, either," Angel agreed. "I mean, why is every so-called 'author' write about me being dead? Can't they write a happy story for once? I mean…"

DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING

"Another one? Wow, the RENTheads are on a roll!" Mark exclaimed.

"Maybe this one will feature you guys!" Mimi tried to reassure them. "Don't give up hope, someone's gotta pay attention sometime!"

The voice over the loudspeaker boomed, cutting off any reply the lovers were about to make.

"TITLE: IF SHE HADN'T DIED"

Angel and Collins stared straight at each other.

"You don't think..." Angel started.

"GENRE: ROMANCE/ANGST RATING:M"

_Oh, please…_Angel though to herself hopefully.

"SUMMARY…"

Angel and Collins both sucked in breaths…

"A REWRITE OF THE ENDING OF RENT. IF MIMI DID NOT ALMOST DIE. MARK/ROGER. REVIEW PLZ!

CHARACTERS NEEDED:  
MIMI, ROGER, MARK, MAUREEN, JOANNE, BENNY"

…And exhaled, disappointedly.

"Another one? Well okay," Roger sighed. "But this time, get a breath mint or something, man! You know I hate coconuts."

"Coconuts? What the fuck? I didn't eat any coconuts!"

"Then why'd your breath smell like it?"

And that's all that could be heard as the five walked through the alternate door.

"Sorry, guys! Next time!" Mimi whispered, patting Angel's hand quickly, and then taking her place in the crowd.

The two stared at the door as it swung closed.

"What the hell?" Angel cried out. "It's called 'If She Hadn't Died', not… 'Another Freaking Story Not About Angel and Collins'!"

"That's a bit of a mouthful, babe," Collins replied, patting her hand.

"All we do all day is sit, when they get to go out and have fun!"

"Unless you're dead," Collins pointed out. "Then your name gets a mention, most of the time."

"And unless your dead," Angel replied. "Which you seem to be in an alarmingly increasing number of stories."

"If we're there, we're out of character." Collins sighed, rubbing his temples.

"Or we're out-of-character angsty. That's the worst!"

"Or we're advice-givers."

"Or we're…" they both shuddered, and then said together, "COMIC RELIEF!"

POPULAR (from Wicked)

Performed by: Collins and Angel

Collins

Angel, now that we're alone, I think we should discuss our feelings.

Angel

I can't believe I'd ever hear that from you!

Collins:

That's how pissed off I am!

_Whenever they write stories,_

_They always leave out us!_

Angel:

_And lets face it, I'm tired_

_Of them leaving out us!_

_It sometimes makes me want to start to cry!_

Collins:

_Cause when Mimi cries and Mark is gay_

_And you and I don't get a say_

_It makes_

_Me wonder, "Why, oh why?"_

Angel:

_God knows, dear, that we're cute_

_You're so smart and I'm stylish to boot_

_But somehow the writers don't agree!_

Together:

_But you and me,_

_We'll make _

_Them see_

_We _

_Should_

_Be_

Collins:

_Popular!_

Angel:

_We SO should be popular!_

Collins:

_It's a damn shame, too_

_Cause 'I'll Cover You' _

_Is the best song in the play!_

Angel:

Hey!

_Write about us instead_

_But don't keep me dead!_

_Say I got away okay_

_Make us popular!_

Collins:

_We wanna be popular!_

_We really don't mean to whine_

_But it's ALL THE TIME_

_That you forget we're here!_

_So listen, _

'_Cause there's something you should hear!_

Together (to a passing waiter):

_WINE AND BEER!_

Angel:

_If I read one more fic where Mark cries in the rain_

_I'll hang myself with my own zebra stockings—go insane!_

Collins:

_Why do you do this, what could you possibly gain?_

_Why m'I always crying?_

Angel:

_Why m'I always dying?_

Together:

_Why can't we just be _

_Popular?_

_Please let us be Popular!_

Angel:

_We're really bored in here_

Collins:

_If it weren't for beer_

Together:

_We'd probably kill you all right now!_

Angel:

GRRRRRRR!

Collins:

ARRRRRRR!

Together:

…_Of course, we're only kidding,_

_But, please make us populer!_

_LAR!_

Waiter:

Here you go, guys

Angel:

_Thaaaaanks, hoooon,…_

Er, _can't paaaay…_

Collins:

Well, you know, at least

_Not today_

Waiter:

You say that every day!

Angel:

_When I see them walk through that door-_

Collins:

_God, I can't take that anymore!_

Angel:

_I know, sweet, makes me sort of wish_

_It were us_

_Going inside, to your story_

_Whining, kissing, all that glory_

_But do we ever get there?_

Not even ONCE!

It's so fucking unfair! I mean, what the hell did we ever do to you…

(Rants on)

Collins:

_She wants to be popular_

Angel:

_Hey, so do you!_

Collins:

_Of course I do_

_But they're VERY rude to us!_

_All we want to be is…_

Oh, what's the fucking use? They're not listening! They're busy writing their Mark/Rogers!

Angel:

I KNOW! It's so unfair!

Suddenly, the door opened and a crying Mimi entered. Which was odd, because the chapter wasn't over yet.

"You okay, honey?" Angel asked her, returning to her normal, comforting self. She pulled out the seat beside her, beckoning for the curly-haired Latino wreck to sit down.

"No! She killed me off! In the first fucking chapter! I feel so unwanted!"

Collins and Angel shared a look

Collins:

_Meems, don't have a cow_

Angel:

_I know it's tough now_

_But someday soon you'll see_

Together:

_You'll never have it quite as bad as me!_

Mimi:

What?

Together:

_Ooooooooooh, yeaaaaaaaaah,_

_Poooooooor yooooooooou_

_You're unpopular_

_But not_

_Unpopular quite_

_Like Uuuuuuuuuuuuuussssssss!_

The two stared at each other happily.

"That felt good!" Angel exclaimed.

"I know!" Collins agreed. "And now that you're here, maybe it'll be a little less boring! Wouldn't hurt to have someone else to talk to!"

"Believe it or not, but making out does get old," Angel agreed, reapplying her lipstick.

Suddenly, the loud voice boomed again.

"MIMI IS GREETED BY A DEAD ANGEL IN HEAVEN WHO TELLS HER TO GO BACK TO EARTH AND LISTEN TO ROGER AND MARK MAKING OUT."

"I got my job back!" Mimi exclaimed. She kissed Angel on the cheek. "You're a lifesaver, Angel!"

And with that, she ran through the door.

The table was silent for a long time.

"I am going to go in there and whoop some serious ass in a minute."

"WINE AND BEER!"

**Well, it was my first attempt at a Rent fic, and man, I'm going to get flamed for this LOL I pity you if you read this whole thing. Have a nice day!**


	2. When Maureen Takes The Stage

**Rent Gone Broadway!**

**Chapter 2**

**I do not own Rent or Chicago. This will feature Joanne more because I realized she didn't get one line in the last one!**

**PS: If yu've seen Chicago: The Movie and you don't recognize this song, it's because it's only featured in the stage version.**

The Life Café, a place usually buzzing with activity. This day in particular, however, the usual Bohemian gang were off doing their own thing. All but two, that is.

Maureen and Joanne sat across from each other, neither saying a word. The on-off couple were, once again, off, and neither seemed to want to do anything about it.

Maureen contemplated speaking up. But, why should SHE have to do the hard part? It was Joanne's fault, really—all she did was ask the clerk girl at the grocery store out. It meant nothing! She was just being overly uptight.

Joanne's eyes narrowed behind her edition of The Wall Street Journal. She could feel Maureen kicking her under the table- was it spite, or an attempt to get her attention? Whatever it was, she ignored it all the same.

Maureen sighed. Why wasn't she listening?

"Baby?"

Joanne sighed and put her paper down.

"Yes, Maureen?"

Before she could say a word, however, Mark, Roger, Angel and Collins entered the café.

"Hey guys," Collins said, sitting down beside Maureen.

"Where's Mimi?" Joanne asked, noticing that the dancer was absent.

"At work," Roger replied, sitting next to Mark, who had sat on Maureen's other side. "Or shopping. Or with Benny. I've lost track."

"Well…shouldn't you find out? She is your girlfriend," Angel pointed out, sitting on Collins' other side.

"Joanne!" Maureen exclaimed, cutting off Roger's reply.

WHEN MAUREEN TAKES THE STAGE (When Velma Takes the Stand from Chicago)

Performed by: Maureen, Joanne, Roger, Mark, Collins and Angel

MAUREEN

You know, I really have been thinking about my next protest. Could I, you know, tell you what I was going to do?

JOANNE

Why?

MAUREEN

…Because, pookie, your still my production manager!

JOANNE

Alright, _fine_. Shoot.

MAUREEN

Great!

Well, you see, I thought I'd protest Benny's attitude towards the homeless.

JOANNE

Really?

MAUREEN

Well…that and the fact that he's an all around ass to me, but that's not the point. First, I'd wear this low-cut top, get 'em listening, you know?

ROGER/MARK/COLLINS/ANGEL

_When Maureen takes the stage!_

JOANNE

…Go on…

MAUREEN

Yeah! Then, when Benny comes in, which I know he will because he's an absolute jerk, I'll point him out, call 'im the enemy, all that jazz! And when he tries to cover up for his sins, I'll break into a chant, 'Lies, lies LIES!'

ROGER/MARK/COLLINS/ANGEL

_When Maureen takes the stage!_

_Watch our sexy Mo_

_Strutting like a ho_

MAUREEN

HEY!

ROGER/MARK/COLLINS/ANGEL

Fine, fine…

_Watch Ben's shame grow_

MAUREEN

Thank-you!

ROGER/MARK/COLLINS/ANGEL

_Nothing she aint got!_

_She's really getting that homeless guy hot!_

JOANNE

WHAT?

MAUREEN

Ignore them, pookie, they don't know talent when they see it. Anyway, then, I thought I'd strip my pants off—

JOANNE

Maureen!

MAUREEN

--To reveal sexy short-shorts underneath! God, you get worked up over the smallest things! Sing it!

ROGER/MARK/COLLINS/ANGEL

_When Maureen takes the stage!_

MAUREEN

Yeah ha ha!

ROGER/MARK/COLLINS/ANGEL

_Watch that drama queen_

_Taking off her jeans_

_Then she'll wipe the floor_

_With Benny's ass like a common whore!_

MAUREEN  
What the HELL!

JOANNE

Hmm…

MAUREEN

Don't listen to them, babe, 'cause here's where the really good part comes in! Instead of making the centre point about Cyber Land, like my last one, I was thinking I'd do a—get this—all out strip tease! 'Cause hey, if that doesn't get us on TV, what will?

ROGER/MARK/COLLINS/ANGEL

_She'll strip her clothes_

_And strike a pose_

_When Maureen takes the stage!_

Maureen stared at the men surrounding her.

"Common whore!" she exclaimed rather loudly, causing the people at the next chair to stare in interest.

The four stared at each other, none of them wanting to unleash the drama queen's wrath—even more, that is.

Finally, Angel spoke up softly. "Well, dear, er, maybe that isn't the type of thing you want to tell your girlfriend—er, with the striptease and all…"

"Yeah," Collins agreed, putting an arm around his boyfriend. "Maybe you should just…make it a little less…"

"Raunchy," Roger put in. "That is, if you want Joanne to be your manager…and significant other."

"It was all their idea, you know Maureen…" Mark said quickly, receiving a light punch from Roger.

"You guys are being REDICULOUS," Maureen cried. "Joanne is TOTALLY cool with this type of thing, as long as it's for a good cause. Right, pookie?"

She turned around, only to be faced with a discarded newspaper and an empty chair.

"Where did she go now!"

**I don't really like this one as much as the first…What do you think?**


	3. Out of Beer

**Rent Gone Broadway!**

**Chapter 3**

**I do not own Rent or Les Miserables**

It was a quiet Saturday afternoon at the loft. The rain pounded against the windows, and no one wanted to leave the house. Mimi and Roger were in a fight again, leaving him and Mark staring at the TV all afternoon

"Mark," Roger broke the silence finally. Mark barely tore his eyes off the screen.

"Yeah, Rog?"

"Get me a beer."

Mark stared at him, furrowing his brow.

"You get it!"

"No!"

"Why not?"

Roger was silent for awhile, and Mark figured he'd given up and gone back to watching the TV.

"Your closer," Roger said finally.

"Wha? The fridge is over there!"

"I broke up with Mimi."

"What else is new?"

"I'm hurting!"

"So?"

"Get me a beer!"

"No!"

The two grown men were silent for a moment.

"I'll give you this dollar," Roger offered, digging in his pockets and pulling out a crumpled bill.

"I don't want your money,"

"Then get me a beer for free."

"Why should I?"

"BECAUSE, you're my friend!" Roger cried out. "I'd get you a beer!"

Mark sighed and forced himself to get off of his comfy chair.

"…If it were a life or death situation," Roger said once he was half-way to the fridge.

"If it were a life or death situation…yeah, yeah, yeah…" Mark grumbled.

OUT OF BEER (On My Own from Les Miserables)

Performed by: Mark and Roger

MARK

_Another step, another sigh, another beer, another guilt trip_

ROGER

_I only asked you for a beer I didn't ask you to flap your lip_

MARK

_Well, now I'm half-way there_

_I should have stayed in my chair_

_Why do I let you talk me into to doing everything you won't do?_

ROGER

_Because my dear friend it is so dreadfully easy to persuade you_

_Just pick me up a drink_

_It's easier than you think!_

Mark continued to grumble as he padded bare-foot into the kitchen. He opened the door to the fridge and leaned over. His eyes widened behind his glasses.

MARK

_Out of beer…_

ROGER

What?

MARK

_I said we're out of alcohol!_

_There's none here…_

ROGER

_You checked behind the pizza?_

MARK

_Without beer_

_Baywatch seems so boring_

ROGER

_I tried it once though Pam was hot I found myself snoring_

MARK

_In the fridge_

_There's nothing there but month-old crap_

_It's too bad_

_I thought I'd make a wrap_

ROGER

_My God, Mark_

_How can you be hungry?_

_At a time like this, we're out of beer, oh God have mercy!_

MARK

_And I know I bought some just last week!_

ROGER

_What type?_

MARK

_Coors_

ROGER

_Oh, I love that type_

MARK

_I know_

_All our beer is playing hide and seek!_

_Still, I say, there must be some left_

ROGER

_I love beer_

_But when we run out of it_

_I get mad_

_Because…_um…_because I really love beer!_

_Oh God,_

_Another case of writers block!_

_That makes me mad, very mad, and I can hardly talk!_

MARK

_I love beer!_

ROGER

_You should make a film 'bout beer!_

_I'm sure_

_It would receive rave reviews!_

MARK

_How 'bout no?_

_That's the dumbest thing you've ever said!_

_My God, man, you need beer before you totally lose your head!_

TOGEHER

_I love beer,_

_I love beer,_

_I love beer,_

_But now we're…_

_Out of…._

_Beer!_

Mark and Roger stared at each other.

"Well, you know, it's only beer," Mark said finally, breaking the awkward silence.

"Yeah, that's true," Roger agreed. Mark sat down, a little annoyed he got out of his seat for nothing.

The room was silent for a few minutes except for the blaring of the Baywatch theme music. Finally, however,

"Mark?"

"Yes, Roger?"

"Go buy more beer."

**Okay, that was really dumb. Sorry LOL ;)**


End file.
